Teaching with Kindness

How to compose a successful critical commentary:

1. You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.
2. You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
3. You should mention anything you have learned from your target.
4. Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.

via How to Criticize with Kindness:Professor Daniel Dennett on the Four Steps to Arguing Intelligently

I was reading through the Twitter posts of BrainPickings as I do almost daily. ( I encourage you to make that a daily habit. It's a rich source of all things ... interesting, inspiring, amazing, creative. Subscribe to the  Brain Pickings newsletter. Anyway.) And today I found this post.

I scanned through it, kept reading, thought this is good and then found the gem. These four steps. And as I let them resonate in my head I realized:

"You know, this could work in an employee review or a teaching moment." 

Change the wording a bit and it reads, well, workable.

1. You should attempt to re-express your employee’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that they say, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way."
2. You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
3. You should mention anything you have learned from your employee.
4. Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.

A few notes:

1. I can't imagine many of us saying to our boss during one of these "teaching moments" the following words “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way." I've had some say "Thanks for being so kind." or "I hadn't thought of it like that, I can see it now."

2. Key. You want to remind everyone, including yourself, you're on the same team, working toward a common goal. You want to minimize the chance that a critique will create cracks in your relationship.

3. I wished I had done this more. This is a key step, a big step, make it as big as you want because you're building equity and tolerance and earning the right to take the next step.

4. Now, having taken the three previous steps, you've created a receptive environment and I'm envisioning your words will be kinder, gentler, less critical and more educational, supportive, speaking like an advisor or a mentor.

What do you think?